People write the strangest things on their resumes, sometimes downright hysterical. Why should only recruiting managers get to laugh at these? The Top 10 are at the bottom. Enjoy!
From Resume Hell:
- âCareer break in 1999 to renovate my horseâ
- â1990 â 1997: Stewardess â Royal Air Forceâ
- Hobbies: âenjoy cooking Chinese and Italiansâ
- âService for old man to check they are still alive or not.â
- Cleaning skills: âbleaching, pot washing, window cleaning, mopping, e.t.câ
- âJob involvedâŠcounselling clientele on accidental insurance policies availableâ
- â2001 summer Voluntary work for taking care of the elderly and vegetable peopleâ
- âI'm intrested to here more about that. I'm working today in a furniture factory as a drawerâ
- âI am about to enrol on a Business and Finance Degree with the Open University. I feel that this qualification will prove detrimental to me for future success.â
- âTime is very valuable and it should be always used to achieve optimum results and I believe it should not be played around withâ
- âI belive that weakness is the first level of strength, given the right attitude and driving force. My school advised me to fix my punctualityâŠâ
From Careerbuilder.ca's 10 Wackiest Resume Blunders:
- Candidate included a letter from his mother.
- Candidate stated the ability to persuade people sexually using her words.
- Candidate wrote rĂ©sumĂ© as a play â Act 1, Act 2, etc.
- Candidate included naked picture of himself.
From Amy Joyce on Resume Bloopers:
- âSkills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detailâ
- Woman who sent her rĂ©sumĂ© and cover letter without deleting someone else's editing, including such comments as âI don't think you want to say this about yourself hereâ
From Ask Annie's article about resume blunders:
- âan applicant ghosted a headshot as the background to her resumeâ
- Other Interests: âPlaying with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)â.
- âOne applicant used colored paper and drew glitter designs around the borderâ
- Hobbies: âgetting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking potâ
- Why Interested in Position: âto keep my parole officer from putting back me in jailâ
- A woman had attached a picture of herself in a mini mouse costume
- Hobbies: âDrugs and girlsâ.
- Under âjob related skillsâ â for a web designer â âcan function without additional oxygen at 24,000 feetâ.
- My sister-in-law misspelled the word âproofreadingâ in her skill set.
- The objective on one recent resume I received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm.
- Objective: âcareer on the Information Supper Highwayâ
- Experience: âStalking, shipping & receivingâ
- âI am great with the pubic.â
- A candidate listed her e-mail address as pornstardelight@*****.com
- The applicant listed her name as Alice in the resume but wrote Alyce on the onsite application.
- One candidate's electronic resume included links to her homepage, where the pictures were of her in the nude.
- ââŠsent out my resume on the back side of a draft of a cover letter to another firmâŠâ
- âMy duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers.â
- One applicant for a nursing position noted that she didn't like dealing with blood or needles.
- Achievements: âNominated for prom queenâ
- I once received a resume with a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the first page. The picture was of a lion's head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie.
- a resume⊠was printed on the back of the person's current employer's letterhead.
- One resume that came across my desk stated how the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school.
- A resume⊠had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate on it
- Hobbies: âHaving a good timeâ
From Careerbuilder.com's Top 12 Wackiest Resume Blunders:
- Candidate explained a gap in employment by saying it was because he was getting over the death of his cat for three months.
- Candidate's hobbies included sitting on the levee at night watching alligators.
- Candidate explained an arrest by stating, âWe stole a pig, but it was a really small pig.â
- Candidate included family medical history.
From Mainejobs.com's Avoid These Resume Bloopers:
- ânine-page cover letter accompanied by a four-page rĂ©sumĂ©â
- âOne applicant tried to make an impression by using four different fonts, three ink colors and a variety of highlighting options on her rĂ©sumĂ©â
From ResumePower.com's Ten Classic Resume Bloopers:
- âRevolved customer problems and inquiries.â
- âConsistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.â
- âPlanned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.â
- âSeeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.â
From HotJobs' Real-life Resume Blunders to Avoid:
- âI often use a laptap.â
- âAble to say the ABCs backward in under five seconds.â
- âI am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someone's door to absorb as much as possible.â
From Fortune Magazine via HumorMatters.com:
- âFinished eighth in my class of ten.â
- âReceived a plague for Salesperson of the Year.â
- âReason for leaving last job: maturity leave.â
- âFailed bar exam with relatively high grades.â
- âAm a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.â
- âIt's best for employers that I not work with people.â
- âLet's meet, so you can âooh' and âaah' over my experience.â
- âI have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.â
- âYou will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.â
- âI have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.â
- âPersonal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.â
- âMarital status: often. Children: various.â
- âI am loyal to my employer at all costs..Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.â
- âInstrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.â
From Resumania's Archive:
- Job Duties: âAnswer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors.â
- Interests: âGossiping.â
- Favorite Activities: âPlaying trivia games. I am a repository of worthless knowledge.â
- Skills: âI can type without looking at thekeyboard.â
- Employer: â Myself; received pay raise for high sales.â
- Objective: âI want to play a major part in watching a company advance.â
- Experience: âChapter president, 1887-1992.â
- Experience: âDemonstrated ability in multi-tasting.â
- Experience: âI'm a hard worker, etc.â
- Languages: âSpeak English and Spinach.â
- Reason for leaving: âI thought the world was coming to an end.â
- Additional skills: âI am a Notary Republic.â
- Objective: âSo one of the main things for me is, as the movie âJerry McGuire' puts it, âShow me the money!'â
- Skills: âI have integrity so I will not steal office supplies and take them home.â
- Objective: âTo hopefully associate with a millionaire one day.â
- Skills: âI have technical skills that will take your breath away.â
- Qualifications: âI have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you.â
- Objective: âI need money because I have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts, and have a menu entrĂ©e consisting of more than soup.â
- Qualifications: âTwin sister has accounting degree.â
- Experience: âHave not yet been abducted by aliens.â
- Skills: âWritten communication = 3 years; verbal communication = 5 years.â
- Objective: âI would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness.â
- Education: âI possess a moderate educatin but willing to learn more.â
- Education: âHave repeated courses repeatedly.â
- Salary requirements: âThe higher the better.â
- Salary desired: âStarting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job.â
- Bad traits: âI am very bad about time and don't mind admitting it. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesn't make sense to me. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare.â
- References: âBill, Tom, Eric. But I don't know their phone numbers.â
- Work experience: âTwo years as a blackjack and baccarat dealer. Strong emphasis on customer relations â a constant challenge considering how much money people lose and how angry they can get.â
- Personal: âI limit important relationships to people who want to do what I want them to do.â
- Objective: âStudent today. Vice president tomarrow.â
- Accomplishments: âBrought in a balloon artist to entertain the team.â
- Application: Why should an employer hire you? âI bring doughnuts on Friday.â
- Achievements: âFirst runner-up for Miss Fort Worth, 1982.â
- Reason for leaving: âPushed aside so the vice president's girlfriend could steal my job.â
- Special skills: âI've got a Ph.D. in human feelings.â
- Reason for leaving last job: âBounty hunting was outlawed in my state.â
- Experience: âAny interruption in employment is due to being unemployed.â
- Objective: âTo become Overlord of the Galaxy!â
- Objective: âWhat I'm looking for in a job: #1) Money #2) Money #3) Money.â
- Hobbies: âMushroom hunting.â
- Experience: âChild care provider: Organized activities; prepared lunches and snakes.â
- Objective: âMy dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since I can't do that, I'll settle on being an accountant.â
- Awards: âNational record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes.â
- Heading on stationery: âI'd Break Mom's Heart to Work For You!â
- âI am a âneat nut' with a reputation for being hardnosed. I have no patience for sloppywork, carelessmistakes and theft of companytime.â
- Experience: âProvide Custer Service.â
- Experience: âI was brought in as a turnaround consultant to help turn the company around.â
- Strengths: âAbility to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.â
- Work experience: âResponsibilities included checking customers out.â
- Work experience: âMaintained files and reports, did data processing, cashed employees' paychecks.â
- Educational background: âHighschool was a incredible experience.â
- Resume: âA great management team that has patents with its workers.â
- Cover letter: âExperienced in all faucets of accounting.â
- Objective: âI am anxious to use my exiting skills.â
- Personal: âI am loyal and know when to keep my big mouth shut.â
- Job duties: âFiling, billing, printing and coping.â
- Application: âQ: In what local areas do you prefer to work? A: Smoking.â
- Reason for leaving: âTerminated after saying, âIt would be a blessing to be fired.'â
- Personal: âMy family is willing to relocate. However not to New England (too cold) and not to Southern California (earthquakes). Indianapolis or Chicago would be fine. My youngest prefers Orlando's proximity to Disney World.â
- Resume: âI have a lifetime's worth of technical expertise (I wasn't born â my mother simply chose âeject child' from the special menu.â
- Resume: âSpent several years in the United States Navel Reserve.â
- Qualifications: âI have extensive experience with foreign accents.â
- âI am fully aware of the king of attention this position requires.â
- References: âPlease do not contact my immediate supervisor at the company. My colleagues will give me a better reference.â
- âWorked in a consulting office where I carried out my own accountant.â
- Accomplishments: âMy contributions on product launches were based on dreams that I had.â
- Career: âI have worked with restraints for the past two years.â
- Experience: âMy father is a computer programmer, so I have 15 years of computer experience.â
- Education: âI have a bachelorette degree in computers.â
JobMob Top 10
- Application: How large was the department you worked in with your last company? âA: 3 stories.â (Resumania)
- A resume listed a skill as âbeing bi-lingual in three languagesâ (Ask Annie's)
- Background: â28 dog years of experience in sales (four human).â (Resumania)
- In the section that read âEmergency Contact Numberâ she wrote â911.â (Ask Annie's)
- Candidate drew a picture of a car on the outside of the envelope and said it was the hiring manager's gift. (Careerbuilder.com)
- Languages: âFluent in English. Also I have been heard muttering Gibberish in my sleep.â (Resumania)
- âDirected $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations.â (ResumePower.com)
- On one of our applications, a girl wrote â I'm 16, I'm pregnant and I can do anything.â At the same time she turned in her application, her boyfriend handed in his. On his: âFelony for breaking and entering.â (Ask Annie's)
- âOne candidate included clipart on their resume of two cartoons shaking hands.â (Ask Annie's)
- Application: âOn the line that asked what âsexâ he was, he wrote âoccassionallyâ.â (Ask Annie's)
WANT SOME MORE? READ NEXT: 150 More Funniest Resume Mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders Ever
This article is part of Litemind's Lists Group Writing Project.
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haha. good stuff.
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These are hilarious â and horrifying if you were the author. Itâs always a good idea to have someone else proofread your stuff.
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Haha thatâs hilarious!
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i enjoyed reading your commentaries especialy on blunders that prospective employees make on their resumes, it was quite informative. may you please send me information on how to write the resume(especialy the lay out and how to present it.
Hi Goldman, glad you enjoyed the read. You can find more tips from the JobMob archives about resume writing. Also, weâve bookmarked some great links in the JobMob del.icio.us account.
People outside recruitment donât understand we can not make this stuff up!
I dont understand what is funny about Resume Hell No 2???
Recruitnik- I know. Great, isnât it? You guys are lucky, not everyone gets such comic relief on the job.
Bernard- Itâs the visual of a stewardess in the fighter cockpit
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29. Work experience: âTwo years as a blackjack and baccarat dealer. Strong emphasis on customer relations â a constant challenge considering how much money people lose and how angry they can get.â
Even though it could have been worded differently, I find his one to be a pretty decent qualification.
âââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââââ
âSkills: Strong Work Ethic, Attention to Detail, Team Player, Self Motivated, Attention to Detailâ
This one is just perfect.
Oh boy these are really funny! Anna đ PS got your blog link from Robynâs Brain Based Biz.
Glad you laughed, Anna. Thanks for telling me about Robynâs site, I just Stumbled it. Her article is also funny
This one is supper..
âLetâs meet, so you can âoohâ and âaahâ over my experienceâ
LOL
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âSon of Godâ
Taking comment by Mullah rather too literally.
âWe are all sons of God.â
A couple of years ago, when applying for a job designing electronic surveillance equipment, I included in my application letter the fact that I had just obtained a pilotâs licence. They offered me the job!
Sometimes, adding something unusual to a job application can help. In my case, I was trying to prove that, at 49, I wasnât yet âover the hillâ, and I could manage stressful situations.
I have had a wonderful giggle at some of the above. Good fun to read. Thank you for letting us enjoy them. Very funny, made my afternoon!
Clive- great success tip, thanks!
caro- glad you enjoyed the list. I had a lot of fun putting it together. Iâm sure youâll also enjoy some of the other funnies under the âBest Ofâ tab here above on the right.
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Ermm⊠Iâve already heard or seen most of these, and Iâm not in recruitment. Then â Iâm the guy in the office with Dilbert on my cubicle walls.
Expand and organize, thereâs a whole lot more stupidity going out there on resumes.
âI am a âneat nutâ with a reputation for being hardnosed. I have no patience for sloppywork, carelessmistakes and theft of companytime.â
I think this guy worked for me at my last job!!!
Nice collection.. Interesting read đ
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good times, good times!
Some people are just too much, this is hilarious! LOL
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LOL, looks like they took several of those bloopers from my Resume! LOL
JJ
very funny, appart from the fact that the RAF does acutally have stewardess, they serve on the RAFâs Tristar fleet.
â1990 â 1997: Stewardess â Royal Air Forceâ
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I donât understand why 1990 â 1997: Stewardess to the royal air force is funny? There are stewardessâ in the air force.
Yes, I think you will also find they are in the Royal Canadian Airforce as well, the RAFâs Tristar fleet is used to do troop transport to locations like the Falklands, Belize etc and operates form Brize Norton. it operates almost as a scheduled airline, it is just operated by the military In fact if you visit the Falklands and travel by air you will actually travel CrabAir đ
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OMFG, With all these people out there, no wonder I get so many call backs on my resume.
babino and Tom â itâs just the visual of having a stewardess for a fighter pilot.
why not, there are women on the front line now, and the israelis have had active combat women for years, and damn good they look too. đ
I also love mushroom hunting. If youâre quick with the old rifle you can sometimes bag 2 of the little suckers at the same time before they manage to scarper off behind a tree.
Tom, I know, most of my Israeli army unit (not Air Force) were good-looking women. And Israel has female fighter pilots and male stewards, but thereâs still no room for anyone to carry peanuts around in an F-16 or Harrier cockpit đ
CrabAir, what a great name if your planes tend to crash in the sea.
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Too funny lol
Hey! #41 from Resumaniaâs Archive is âmushroom hunting,â which is totally fun and has nothing to do with hallucinogenics. Basically you walk around the woods looking for edible mushrooms, which is great if youâre like me and you enjoy walking around in the woods.
I just went and found 3 morels on Saturday. I sauteed them in butter and they were delicious. The seasonâs almost over!
REALLY GOOD THING!!
All hilarious, but whatâs depressing is I could see myself putting some of these in mine, since my art school insisted that we inject some personality in the âInterestsâ section
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some of these are obviously jokes or little witty remarks to make the hiring manager laugh and get his attention, they shouldnât be listed under âblunderâ
Hahaa, I think one of those is mine.
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Great list. I loved reviewing resumes at my last job. Some of the things people wrote were just hysterical. My favourite was between the guy who wrote an 8-page resume/essay in full paragraph style or the guy who wrote about the porn store he used to own.
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I worked for a staffing company as a supervisor, so I saw a LOT of bad resumes. My favorite was from a college-aged girl named Candace. She had written her name vertically on her resume (where the work experience section normally is) and had written an adjective for each letter of her name, with an explanation.
C â can do anything
A â attentive to detail
N â not afraid to go the extra mile
D â delightful to work with
A â always on time
C â clean
E â elegant
It cracked the whole office up. I wanted to frame it and put it on the wall, but my boss wouldnât let me. đ
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
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My wife was the human resource director at a bank and they are always hiring tellers. One candidateâs cover letter stated that her previous experience in a retail store was a plus in that it gave her the opportunity to have âextensive intercourse with the publicâ. Classic!
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whats so weird about mushroom hunting? its a fun hobby actually.
i really liked this one
Hobbies: âgetting drunk everynight down by the water, playing my guitar and smoking potâ
i mean⊠come on, most peoples hobbies would just include *layin on a couch all day watchun telly*. at least this guy is somewhat poetic.
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Great post â some of these made me laugh out loud!
Malarkey, ptitz â thereâs nothing wrong with mushroom hunting, but it does sound funny. I used to put âmixologyâ in my resumeâs Personal Interests but stopped doing it because it was having more of a negative impact than positive, and your resume should only leave a positive impression of you. In both cases, people were more apt to misunderstand the real meaning.
steve- hysterical
Amy â awesome. I love the C for Clean.
Steph â I should add your examples to the listâŠbetter yet, Iâll make another one đ
dodddddddd- the best way to get a hiring managerâs attention is by having a resume that corresponds to exactly what sheâs hoping for, not by having her think youâre funny (unless thatâs important for the job, of course). Like it or not, thatâs reality.
Greg- a lot of people give out that advice, but they donât finish telling it all. To get serious for a momentâŠa resume is a sales document, the point of which is to get you an interview. Everything on it should be there to sell you to the hiring company. If you think that company wants to know about your art (for example), put it on there. If not or unsure, leave it off. And you should ask yourself those customization questions pretty much every time.
Amy: I saw one like that recently too. This guy had his surname vertically, faded into the background, with words like that (I donât have the CV here, so I couldnât tell you the details).
His email address was also vertically down the side of the page, meaning that I had to go through it letter by letter to figure out what it actually said.
The CV itself was a flow-chart. I had to search through the boxes for the âprevious experienceâ section to even figure out what kind of job this guy was applying for. Needless to say, we had a bit of a laugh about it, and, while I left it with the people who deal with this kind of thing, I seriously doubt heâll be hearing anything back.
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Very good knowledge for job seekers.Detailed and descriptive one.
Hugh, your example sounds like one of the most
time-consumingtime-wasting resumes ever. A worst-case scenario. Glad you guys at least got a laugh out of it. If you have a scanned copy Iâd love to post it here on JobMob after anonymizing it of course.No wonder this has 93 comments now. I loved myself sick. âResponsibilities included checking customers out.â
Well, I guess we could all put that one on a resumeâŠ
The best! âAm a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.â
I wonder what was the position they were applying for ???
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I had a resume come postage due! He got my attention! I hired him!!
Very funny! HR staff must really enjoy their job, having to meet such interesting people who are completely nuts.
I was interviewed once by a guy who looked and sounded exactly like Spicoli from âFast Times At Ridgemont Highâ. I thought somebody was playing a joke on me, so I decided to treat the interview as such.
He asked me what my greatest weakness was. I said âreally good chinese foodâ. He laughed for about 30 seconds and then offered me the job.
this is one is the best !!!
âI am a wedge with a sponge taped to it. My purpose is to wedge myself into someoneâs door to absorb as much as possible.â
hilarious
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This just get funnier and funnier. One an HR friend shared with me:
âYesterday I couldnât spell executive. Today I are one.â
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I was hiring high school teachers when I encountered a resume that included âtorturing middle school studentsâ in its experience section. She got the job.
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Before you laugh your coyoteâs off, we are all human. Look at our president.
Okay I just got this one and had to post:
This was the subject line of the emailâŠ
[NAME DELETED] Resuem for Technical Writer
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Great post. My favorite is number 24, repeating courses again again.
I once said during an interview that I always double check and triple check all of my calculations. I heard later on that I almost didnât get the job because of that one statement.
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One of my friends went in for a job interview. They asked him why he wanted the job. He said, âI need money.â
hahaha. Well, at least he was honest lol.
Interviewer: Do you ever get angry with co-workers?Interviewee: I donât get angry, I get even.
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Need a Wednesday laugh break? 150 Funniest Resume Mistakes at http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz
hysterical! RT @april_prior Need a Wednesday laugh break? 150 Funniest Resume Mistakes at http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz
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sorry bt can u pls tell me whatâs wrong abt hell resume # 2?? cz i ddnât get ur point⊠PLSSS.. & if i send u mine, will u correct it??
lady mira- itâs just the image of a stewardess in a fighter jet. It would be just as funny if it said âSteward â Royal Air Forceâ. About your question- if youâre a JobMob subscriber and send me your resume, I will give you some free tips on how to improve it. There are instructions on how to send it to me here.
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I have two favorites from my personal experience: (1) man in his forties wrote on his resume âJust completed an early midlife crisis and am anxious to reenter the workforce.â
(2) woman wrote that her last employer was Pitney Bowels. HhmmmâŠwonder if that had anything to do with her departure from the company!
150 Funniest Resume Mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders Ever ( super cool ) http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz
@rowan_m Donât put any of these in your CV: RT @beanma: 150 Funniest Resume Mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders Ever http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz
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150 Funniest Resume Mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders Ever | JobMob http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz (via @TweetMeme)
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Resume bloopers that will make you cry â either laughing or in sympathy http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz
Hard to believe what many people write in the application. Very great work of this article. Thanks for the list.
150 schlimme Bewerbungsfehler: http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz
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Resume bloopers at http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz (via @LisaMThomas) <--Hysterical PRT
@LisaMThomas lol these are awesome! Thanks! RT @LisaMThomas http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz âCandidate included a letter from his mother.â
Funny resume blunders http://bit.ly/2592cp I like ?career on the Information Supper Highway? (via @TwitJobSearch)
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At least you didnât make any of these resume errors: http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz. My favorite: âFinished eighth in my class of ten.?â
Those are pretty good. I love the
Experience: âStalking, shipping & receivingâ
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Nice collection really funny.
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Marital status: often. Children: various RT @jacobshare 150 Funniest Resume Mistakes⊠http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz
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From a Resume: Hobbies: âenjoy cooking Chinese and Italiansâ ROFL!! http://bit.ly/2592cp
Funny resume mistakes. http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz #jobsearch
I loed some of the blooper..I liked the one cleans bathrooms and seats people. I donât want a job like that.
Asking Ainnie
Number 4 Hobbies getting drunk every night down by the water,playing my guitar and smoking illrgal drugâs.
I just couldnât belive someone would put that on a resume the though of it is silly.
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âfinished 8 out of 10â classic, ha!
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âLanguages: âSpeak English and Spinach.â I thought this one was the best, i couldnât help but laugh the whole time.
funny quote in resume: Salary requirements: âThe higher the better.â check + here http://tinyurl.com/69gkjz
Funny resume blunder â âCareer break in 1999 to renovate my horseâ http://bit.ly/2592cp #resume #career #job
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Oh this is too funny! First rule, proof read!!
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Some of those are absolutely brilliant. When is the book coming out?
Duncan- youâre right. I should look into making a book of these. Thanks for the suggestion.
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2# â1990 â 1997: Stewardess â Royal Air Forceâ is not to bad, she just made the mistake of translating the companies name (
never a good idea) But sheâs just saying that she worked for KLM.
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As the Founder/CEO of a reputable Web Design and Internet Marketing Agency, I browse articles related to various business verticals frequently.This was a very interesting read. I enjoyed it very muchâŠ. Well done!
Hysterical! I love to read funny things like thisâŠcanât believe what some people put on their resumes. Yikes! That is quite a long time to mourn the loss of a cat!
.-= JennÂŽs last blog ..About Jenn Spencer, blog author and Chandler, her cat! =-.
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In a resume for an entry level attorney job: âIntern with the pubic defenderâs office.â
I do not speak English, but i enjoyed a lot . ha,haâŠ
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âDetail orientatedâ (so many people say âorientatedâ instead of âorientedâ, but I usually never do). What a brain fart (or cosmic intervention).
I put that in a resume once (way back when before computers were big, hair WAS big, and long before I learned Prof. Harmonâs rule on âmarinatingâ your writing before re-checking. I wondered why out of 13 interviews only 12 gave me an offer until I re-read this one. Then again, the job was 100+ stories up at the World Trade Center soâŠ
đ
Very funny..
One should learn from others mistakes.
Funny mistake (VERY common one the even best writers make) I did in class I can laugh about now-the misuse of the possessive âtheirâ when the subject of the sentence is singular. Now, this blunder annoys the crap out of me because a Prof (whose class I CALIâd but assumed I failed just before graduation), great guy, learned a lot but scary in class, stopped me in the middle of me even though I was answering a very concept no one else in the class could grasp well, I was called on a lot more than anyone else (even after I raised my hand a lot). He asked ââŠdo I have the right to proper Eng in my classâŠI answered yesâŠthen he said that I misued this twice in a couple of minuts and had to stop me. He corrected me on a VERY common mistake I have read/heard USSC judges, esteemed writers, etc. use -misue of the possessive âtheirâ. If the subject is singular so is the possessive. Example âIt is the fatherâs responsibility to theirâŠtherefore it is their right whether toâŠâ No-âfatherâ (subject) is singlular. If you have to, re-write the sentence to avoid the awkward he or she and do NOT write âtheirâ there. You should have seen me turn beet red, sweatâŠNow it annoys me more than âHe donât have no moneyâ, âI could care lessâ (instead of the proper âI couldnât care lessâ or using âmyselfâ to try and soound âfancyâ (âDancing with myselfâ âPlaying with myselfâ- all proper english (and not that there is anything wrong with that) BUT âIt was just my client and myself in the roomâ-NOT OK.
Carol Ryder- thanks for sharing. Funny story and we learned something from it. Nice.
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Resume blunders can be devastating and in reality causes a loss of income that could have been avoided. Itâs better to learn from otherâs mistakes than create your own.
funny!
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Hi, I am having difficulties loading your post. Just more or less 50 percent of this post appears to load, and the remaining is just blank. I am not really certain whyâŠ. but you may want to take a look. Iâll check back later on, this could be just a temporary server error.
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I work at an animal hospital. The best one I ever received was from a gentlemen that wrote under experience.
âI worked with hores. I gave them shots and trained themâ
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I was at an interview which had my ex as the interviewerâŠwell we didnt talk about the job..we talked about old times..and I told her because of our past relationship I wouldnt feel good taking up the job..so I declined it..but we re-connected..and Iâm still with her..I got a job shortly afterwards too..Interesting world we live in
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âI finished ninth in my class of nine.â What Iâd like to hear from Sotomayor.
A resume blooper from old days as a manager⊠âsorted and disturbed all incoming mail.â
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i was just on a network computer at my appt building and just found this very funny
Zachary Knorr
1100 Philadelphia Ave.
Gilbertsville, PA 19525
Pretty much in Zerns
Hence Job!
(610)-209-0220
OBJECTIVE
Seeking challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try the flooring field. I am trying for a entry level position? Maybe even laborer but Iâm not crazy about working to hard and it really chaps my ass. My primary goal is to be recognized and have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis. Objective: I want a base salary of $50-$60,000 dollars, not including bonus. And some decent benefits. Like a retirement plan, health insurance, personal or sick days. I get sick a lot.
Why youâre holding the resume of a truly outstanding candidate:
Previous experience: Self employed âŠa fiasco.
âą My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and with my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
âą Excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills and very good at math.
âą Transformed âdifficultâ customers into âirateâ customers. Itâs best for employers if I donât work with people.
âą Iâve had exposure to the Germans for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business.
âą I am a pit-bull when it comes to analysis.
âą Reason for leaving last job, The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
âą My ruthlessness terrorized the competition and can sometimes offend.
PERSONAL GOAL
âą To hand build a classic cottage from the ground up using my ex father-in-law.
PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENTS
âą Successfully played âChop Sticksâ on a toy piano with my big toes.
EDUCATION: Graduated top 66% of my class.
AFFILIATIONS
10/2003-present: Textsfromlastnight.com
1/2001-1/2002: Match.com (Donât Judge me)
SPECIAL SKILLS
âą Thyping
âą Speak English
âą Getting rid of unruly clients
âą Experienced with transforming numerous office machines into things such as a coffee maker and can I make great lattes!
âą Iâve got a Ph.D. in human feelings
âą Operated Pitney Bones machine
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION
I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. Looking for an employer that believes in prompting from within.
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Yes, mushroom hunting is a real thing, but it still belongs on this list. The lesson here is if you have anything on your resume thatâs not COMPLETELY common knowledge within the given industry, rephrase it, explain it, or remove it!
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I just had one where the applicant referred to himself in the 3rd person throughout out the resume. Quite surreal.
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i luv thaâ simsons!
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I lulzed.
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âCareer break in 1999 to renovate my horseâ
Love this LOL
âCareer break in 1999 to renovate my horseâ
Love this LOL
Hilarious post, the crazy answers must keep the HR managers from falling asleep!
Canât see whatâs wrong with â1990 â 1997: Stewardess â Royal Air Forceâ. The job exists in the UK and could involve stewarding for many senior personnel including the monarch or Prime Minister. There must be similar positions in the US Air Force on board Air Force One etc.
Daitwice- I mentioned this earlier
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These are fantastic. This was my favorite: Other Interests: âPlaying with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife)â. I know how that guy feels!
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I laughed so hard, tears came out, but bad spelling always makes me cry.
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Just the other day, I looked over a resume that said âReferees available upon request.â
That was their way of inferring their hobbies & interests đ
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Whereâs the problem in leaving 911 (or whatever number it is for your countries emergency services?) âOh yes, Iâve broke my leg!â ⊠âDo you want an ambulance?â ⊠âNo, just call my Aunty!â đ Oh hell no!
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These are awesome! My favorite was s: âI am great with the pubic.ââŠâŠâŠwith some words you miss one letter and it means something entirely different. Been there done that!
donât forget to check out the followup with 150 more bloopers:
https://jobmob.co.il/blog/funniest-resume-mistakes-2/
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