Because people describing their own jobs is a lot funnier than having HR do it.
Photo by Nicolas Nova
Over on the Dilbert Blog, Scott Adams gave his readers an assignment: “describe your own job in one sentence, preferably in a humorously derogatory way.” Here are the best replies from among the hundreds, with the top 10 at the end.
My Job Is To…
Read things that don't matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don't matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated: Student
Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper: Tax Accountant
Explain big words to sales people and then cower before customers while trying to convince them that the sales people really didn't say what the customers understood: Customer Solutions Engineer
Learn laws created ages ago so that I can tell engineers why I'm smarter than they are while complaining how it's a travesty that they get paid more: Physics major
Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism: Fireworks Stand Manager
Help people lie consistently to their bosses: Business Intelligence Consultant
Teach your kids enough to complain but not enough to make a difference: College Teacher
Pass poisonous gas on command: Research Assistant in solid state ammonia storage
Make people who are already filthy rich somewhat richer by duping poor people into buying stuff they don't need: Corporate Software Engineer
Find as many synonyms for “explosion” as possible: Novelist for Teenage Boys
Supervise the guys and gals who try to protect the good people from the bad, only to be hated by the good people AND the bad: Police Sergeant
Make corporate propaganda feel like folksy truthisms: TV Ad Director