You've been laid off, fired or quit. How should you handle your last moments in the office?
Photo credit: Matt Reinbold
21. Have a nice onion-filled breakfast before heading in to work for the last time
20. Film your final day with a GoPro'ed helmet so you can later post “highlights” to YouTube
19. Post-It notes are your friend. Hide random notes around the office in places where they'll only be found weeks or even months later. Write things like ‘I know what you just did' or ‘It wasn't like this when [your name] was here'
18. Make smiley faces & leave cutesy messages (‘miss you') on random blank pages in the photocopier or printer.
17. Permanent markers. Whiteboards. Need I say more?
16. File expense reports with bills you found on the floor at a supermarket or sports store.
15. Carve your initials into your computer screen.
14. Change your computer's wallpaper to a big closeup of your eyes.
13. Privately tell 3-4 random ex-coworkers-to-be how you heard they're next on the chopping block.
12. If your company has any internal mailing lists, take 10 minutes to subscribe them to external mailing lists that everyone will “enjoy”
11. Then, subscribe the company-wide mailing list to itself.
10. Use the company resource reservation system to completely book all meeting rooms for the next 2 years
9. Now's as good a time as any for those company-related questions you originally left out on your annual performance evaluation forms, don't you think?
8. Cry a lot throughout the day. Not the way you would normally cry though. Screechier.
7. Speaking of former employees… do that a lot.
6. Give an emotional farewell speech where you randomly pick someone and slowly, very deliberately, say “But [their name]… I'll miss you the most” with a slight smirk, all the while eying them in the creepiest way you can.
5. Look at that farewell speech as your last chance to give others some constructive criticism to remember you by.
4. Be over-the-top sincere in telling each ex-colleague-to-be how you're still going to keep in touch with them. Extra points for doing this with superiors.
3. Brag about the new, better, higher paying, less stressful job you've already got lined up… at a major competitor.
2. Tell your boss how you really feel about them. Don't hold back, honesty is the best policy. Next, tell your boss's boss how *your boss* feels about them, in a post-layoff followup email, if they're currently unavailable.
1. Cat-tack someone, anyone
0. Purposely forget to tell everyone about the pizzas you've ordered to the office tomorrow.
0b. Change a critical company password without telling anyone and then demand cash for it, which someone actually did
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